Let's say you get a flat tire. "That sucks," you think to yourself. But it's OK. You've got everything you need to fix it. You get off the bike, grab your tools, pull out the flat, swap in the spare tube, start to inflate it, and.....BANG! Pinch flat. You pinched the tube between the wheel and the tire. Now you're doubly hosed, because you have two flat tubes. Pinch flats are the worst thing ever. Not only because you ruin a perfectly good tube, but also because the sound of the tube exploding sounds like a gunshot and scares the bib off of you.
Sticky bar tape. However it happened, once your bars are sticky, there's nothing you can do about it besides suffer in silence. And suffer you will. I dare say having sticky bars is worse than getting gum in your hair. Your life will suck for the rest of the week.
You ever tried to unclip, and almost eat it? Then you'll get a laugh out of this.
Done watching? OK. Did you cringe, too? I did. Because that's happened to me. Inevitably, if you ride enough, you'll fail to unclip and totally eat shit. All you can do is hope you weren't riding with buddies who saw you fall, because they'll never let you live it down. Not ever. Assuming you're not with buddies, then just laugh it off and get back on the bike.
On a related note, say you're stopped. You push off the ground to get going, then try to clip in and totally fail, your leg firing downwards with the force greater than Hulk slamming Loki into the ground. When that happens, all you can do is pray that you don't fall, because then you'll really look like an idiot.
If you don't already know, learn how to change a tire. There's tons of videos on the subject. You can usually get by with a free pass or two if you're inexperienced and riding with friends. But it's one of the basics of riding, and should be learned second only to actually riding a bike.
Oh large vehicles. I love you for your large draft zone, which help pull me at tremendous speeds for extended periods of time, with next to no effort on my part. But so help me, if you fly by me without giving me at least a couple of feet of space, you can be sure that I will think several unkind things about you. There are few things worse than getting buzzed by a bus while it does 45 mph, and insists on passing all super close.
OK. This one is gonna be touchy, and I don't mean to step on anyone's toes here but, well, here we go. Talkers. Now, I want to clarify something. If it's a social ride, and the collective group is sitting around chatting, then that's one thing. What bothers me is when the group settles in, usually after 30 minutes of pedaling or so, and that one chatty Cathy in the group is jabber jawing away in your ear. That part I mentioned in the beginning about tuning you out and focusing on my ride? Yeah, this is the fastest way to get me to that state. Don't get me wrong. If we're just hanging out, then it's all good. But if the conversation is decidedly one-handed, then maybe learn to read the room, or in this case, the road. Shut. Up.
Now, there's a catch to the above. If one person asks the other about their bike, or their workouts, or the like, and there's a back and forth conversation, then that's OK with me. But again, be prepared to read the road and my body language, and shut up when you need to. However, if we're riding, and you want to talk at me about your training or your bike, I will, will ignore you. It's not information I care about. At that point, I'll make it my mission to find any way I can to get away from you, up to and including flatting your tire.
I don't mind chatting while we ride. I'm just the type that prefers it in the beginning of the ride. Because after that first 30 minutes or so, I'm focused on riding. Shit talking, however, is accepted and encouraged at all times.
And, finally, this guy. I mean, really? Really really? How does this happen?!
What do you guys think? Did I miss anything? Were there others you've encountered and wanted to add? Let me know in the comments! Until next week, keep the rubber side down, and your skin off the ground.
