So, in case anyone missed it, stuff like this has been floating around for a while. There's also the ever popular Shit Cyclists Say and Shit Mountain Bikers Say videos, as well. But, unlike the videos, in which cyclists mean what they're saying, the things cyclists say aren't always what a cyclist means. So, with that first link as inspiration, I wanna see how many of these things we can crank out.
Say: Yeah, I ride this loop all the time.
Mean: I rode this loop once with friends, 8 years ago, and haven't thought about it since.
Say: My brakes are rubbing.
Mean: Wait. You mean my brakes are adjustable?
Say: This is a social, no drop ride.
Mean: Not only will we need an article of clothing for the search and rescue dogs, we'll also need contact info for your next of kin, so we can inform them of what happened.
Say: This ride only has a few hills that aren't too bad.
Mean: We're basically gonna climb Everest. Twice. With no chance for rest.
Say: Yeah, a spot to refill bottles just up ahead.
Mean: It's another 14 miles till the next water stop.
Say: It shouldn't be that windy for our ride.
Mean: It's gonna gust up to 30 mph. And it'll snow. And hail.
Say: We have a rad descent coming up.
Mean: We're only gonna go downhill for a quarter mile before we climb again. And the downhill is full of potholes!
Say: Yeah, I just got a brand new (insert part name here). It's awesome!
Mean: I paid a lot for this, and I can't tell the difference from what I had before.
Say: I could have beaten you at the sprint, but I sat up because this is a taper week for me.
Mean: You were so far ahead of me, I couldn't even see you over the curvature of the earth!
Say: I totally bonked on my ride.
Mean: I went out riding for 4 hours, and all I took was a stale slice of bread, and a half bottle of water that's been in the bottle for the last 6 months.
Say: (to other riders stopped on the side of the road) You guys OK?
Mean: Oh man. I hope you don't need anything, because all I have is a screwdriver, a bottle opener, and stale slice of bread.
Say: Man, I forgot to grab my shoes before I came to meet up with your guys. Guess I need to skip the ride!
Mean: My shoes are actually in my trunk, I just want to go back home and sleep.
Say: All the Euro pros drink this!
Mean: I have no idea what I'm talking about.
Say: Have you guys seen the course for the Tour de France next year?
Mean: It's gonna be somewhere in France, right?
Say: I totally met Jens Voigt once. He's a super cool guy!
Mean: I tweeted a funny joke to him once, and he retweeted me!
Say: I must have forgotten my tire pump at home. Do you have one I can use real fast?
Mean: I have no tubes, one sock, and I forgot my jersey.
Say: I'm totally carb loading!
Mean: Can I just drink the beer straight from the tap?
Say: This new (insert part here) totally shaves off like, 200 grams!
Mean: What's a "gram?"
Say: I totally do my own bike maintenance.
Mean: I know how to pump up tires, change grips, and clean a chain.
Say: I prefer my hardtail. It's way better on the climbs.
Mean: That's what I heard this one time from a gypsy.
Say: It won't be that cold. You just need arm warmers.
Mean: Bring 3 of your heaviest coats, a Sherpa, and a portable heater.
Say: My local bike shop totally takes care of me.
Mean: They give me 5% off.
Say: This is a team issue jersey.
Mean: I bought it at my local bike shop.
I think that that's all I can come up with. So, tell me guys, what are some things that cyclists have said to you, and what do you think that they mean? Hit me up in the comments below!
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